Past few months have truly been intense. It started with a period of reflection and we started question many things that were going on including the way fashion industry works and the negative impacts it has on society and environment. Then past few weeks focus was finally on the race issues not only in the United States but also in other Western nations.
Some of these issues affect my life but others don’t. However, as I explained in my past blogs, I have decided to ditch the idea that I shouldn’t care about issues if they don’t affect me. And I have always wanted to practice my writing skills so I started writing short texts on Instagram first and then started blogging again about the issues that are on my mind. Although my blog is a part of my hat business website but I wrote whatever I wanted to because I don’t have other platform.
First, it felt good to write what I wanted. And then I had an urge to tell more people about it. So I started mentioning it on my Instagram platform. From around that time, I started feeling uncomfortable little by little. I however still didn’t stop writing until this uncomfortable feeling really got me. Past few days I felt so stressed, worried and tired.
And I think I know where this discomfort comes from.
1. Fear of confrontation. If I say what I think is seriously unfair, it of course creates tension with those who do not agree or feel personally accused even if that’s not really the point.
2. Fear of standing out. I am ‘demure’ at the end of the day.
3. Fear of being too small. I am no politician, professor, have no power.
4. Fear of becoming a subject of judgements from ‘Ah she’s doing it for self-branding’ to ‘She’s just a big month’ to ‘How come she is talking about issues which don’t even affect her?’
5. Fear of hurting others’ feeling by saying something wrong due to lack of knowledge.
6. In addition, on a complete different and even unimportant level yet something I cannot quite ignore. As close friends have said to me, creating these tensions can put my business at risk as I use my business platform to express my opinions.
Stress from these thoughts really really got me. However, what I hate even more is something not being fair. I therefore sought how I could help myself with these fears.
1. Fear of confrontation. At least from my side, this is never to create confrontation but to start a dialogue. You can tell me what you think I am doing wrong or tell me that you agree but realistically impossible. Then I can give my further views and this is how we could mutually grow and possibly help each other. We can also agree to disagree. Either way, these conversations will be truly honest one, which we seem to miss at the moment.
2. Fear of standing out. Well, for me this is a big step but if I don’t stand up and out, I also can’t find like-minded people. And this is exactly what I need to stay strong and continue to do my bit as a part of the grass root movement. I therefore really appreciate those who have responded to my blogs and IG posts. If I hadn’t spoken out, I would not have found you and form a coalition, which is an important step for any serious movement.
3. Fear of being too small. This is exactly what those who bring in injustice want me to feel so I give up. Which means small people like me not giving up can cause some significant stir. What a lovely feeling, no?
4. Fear of being judged. I just have to remember that judgement only reflects what the ‘judges’ are while I could always use them as ‘contractive criticism’ to double check my position.
5. Fear of hurting others. I have to continue to learn, build correct knowledge and always think logically. If someone tells me I got it wrong, I can always correct it. Like at school, if I pretended that I know everything, I would actually not learn anything. I just have to continue to learn from good source, think hard and speak with sincerity.
6. Fear of risk to my business. I see that acknowledging issues as businesses on a hash tag level is a good thing. However connection between demure and the business behind is way too strong and my personal principles are automatically the brand’s ethical codes. Whatever the business expert may have to say, it is beyond my skills to cover it up to keep it pretty.
It is also important for me to remember that all the issues have become unbearably big because we refused to confront and stayed in our small happy bubble. And that also means that, dealing with these discomfort and dearing to confront may actually lead me to a breakthrough.
If you happen to have similar fears and thoughts, please share them with others instead of being overwhelmed by them like I was!
Wishing you all a lovely day!
